Decisions, Decisions, Decisions: In Whom Do You Trust?
Hello Everyone:
When we find ourselves in a personal dilemma or needing to make a major decision, most of us will seek the advice, opinions, or experiences of others. The less experience we have in dealing with a particular issue, the more we look outside ourselves to get information and guidance. When we feel stuck, unsure, or confused, it only makes sense to go to others for help. This is not only a natural thing to do, but an effective coping strategy. Most of the time, information or support is gathered, the information is processed, and a decision is made. This sounds simple enough, but in reality, it rarely is. In reality, a whole world unfolds once we transfer our trust from ourselves onto others.
For example, how does one contend with seemingly reliable information from varying sources that contradict one another? What do you do when your friends or colleagues have their two cents to contribute to how you should run your life and you believe that their advice sounds more applicable to their life than yours? How do you effectively hear what people have to say without getting defensive, reactive or simply overwhelmed? There are as many pitfalls to soliciting advice from others as benefits. And in the end, it you and only you that make the decisions that you will need to live with.
So here is my two cents on advice givers and receivers. (1) Yes, there are so called experts in various fields that have a lot to offer and I guess this would include me. However, no one is an expert on you and living your life; that role belongs to you and only you. (2) Friends, family and the like, will have valuable observations, opinions, and suggestions to offer you as they pertain to you and your life situations. However, remember that they are listening and speaking through their own struggles and situations – therefore, they will tend to focus on or project aspects of their own struggles or situations when commenting on you. (3) Decisions are made in different ways by different people, all of which have equal value. People contemplate and make decisions by either what they think, how they feel, what their instincts or intuition tells them, or some combination thereof. Knowing how you and your confidants approach decision making is very valuable. (4) People will sometimes hold others accountable for their own decisions, especially if that someone is an expert in the subject matter or conveys a strong conviction that their advice is sound. No matter what advice you get, you are still one hundred percent responsible for your decisions. It’s as simple as that.
So here’s my challenge for you. The next time you’re feeling uncertain, confused, or simply in need of bouncing something off another, remember to do the following: First, carefully consider what information is being offered, through what context, and from what source. Second, remember that ultimately, each and every decision is owned by you. In the end, you will need to trust your decision and accept its’ impact. Third, know that there is no such thing as a right or wrong decision. There are only decisions and what results occur out of having made them. Some decisions will have results that you deem positive, others will not. That’s just the name of the game. And lastly, consider that sometimes it’s best to go within rather than without in order to make a decision. You may know more than you realize; you may have access to all the information you need by going within and listening to your self. So go ahead…put trust back in yourself. Ultimately, it is your truth that counts; ultimately, it is your decision.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
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The Art of Being
Hello Everyone:
Life seems to just get busier and busier. In the process of keeping up with all the demands, responsibilities and activities, we are in need of getting more done in less time. In essence, we must become expert doers. Fortunately or unfortunately, our culture prides itself on doing. We are taught from a very young age the art of doing. We learn to do our homework, do our chores, and do our sports, music, and art. We’ve even turned our children’s playtime into appointments that need to be made days in advance. As we make our way into adulthood, we continue to build our legacy of producing mechanisms. Many of us, myself included, thrive on making “to do” lists, crossing off those items completed each day with pride. Simply speaking, we have become doing machines. We’ve become so lost on the treadmill of doing that we’ve forgotten the art of being.
So what is the art of being? It’s really quite simple. It is a declaration of who you are, not what you do. For example, I can do great work, or I can be greatness. The first is limited to the actual piece of work that I am producing. This is not a bad thing, it’s just limiting. The second is unlimited – if I am being greatness, I bring greatness to everything I do and everywhere I go. We see this demonstrated all the time. Last month I attended a Thanksgiving Service where a woman sang. Her doing was singing a song about love. However, she was not simply doing; her being was pure love. That love was expressed in every note, every sound, every word; her entire being exuded love. What a different experience this would have been if she had only been singing a song about love, if she had only been doing.
Just think about yourself and I’m sure you can find many examples of when you’ve been doing as opposed to being. Think about doing a favor for someone. Maybe you can remember a time when you did a kind act. Maybe your heart was in it or maybe you did it out of obligation or guilt. Now think of a time when you were being kindness. How does that change the way you are in the world. How does that impact others and your acts of kindness? In the art of being, you can be whatever you want – courage, love, power, compassion, success, happiness, passion, whatever. How your being is expressed, is then up to you.
So here’s my challenge for you. Create balance for yourself and your life. Make sure you remember to be as well as do. First decide who it is you want to be. How do you want to walk around in this world? What essence do you want to hold and carry into everything you do? Then practice the art of being. If you are being excellence, bring excellence into every encounter. Breathe excellence in and out of your body. Focus more on the being rather than the doing and the doing will take care of itself. Try it and see what miracles unfold.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
Lessons from Costa Rica
Hello Everyone:
I just returned from a two-week vacation in
He explained to us that he had spent a year living in the
So what was it that I found so profound in this one man’s story? At first glance, the story is fairly simple. Young man ventures out to
There are several possibilities. First, a timely reminder that happiness is not found in your wallet. Mind you, I am a firm believer that one can have money in their pocket and be happy at the same time, but they are certainly not interdependent. At a time when American consumerism and materialism is at an all time high (given the amount of money that will be spent this year on holiday gifts alone), maybe we all need a friendly reminder of what really counts….. Being with the people we love, connecting with family, making a contribution, and living in a place and in a manner that feels like “home”.
Second, sometimes we need to leave home in order to appreciate what home means to us. I mean this literally as well as figuratively. We tend to take things for granted fairly quickly – people, circumstances, health, jobs, etc. It’s always helpful to take some sort of “vacation” away from what is familiar to us in order to gain perspective and appreciation from a distance. This of course can result in seeing what doesn’t work for us as well as what does.
Third, it may not be as important where you live, but who you are while living there. I believe it was not
Lastly, sometimes, simple is better; less is more.
(I think I’ll practice what I preach and add no more)
So here’s my challenge for you. Reflect on what is truly important to you. See how “rich” your life is at this very moment. Ask yourself where your happiness is found. What is your definition of “home”? When was the last time you created some distance in order to look at your life from different perspectives? What did you discover in the process? Pay attention to those people or situations that bring out the best in you, or the worst in you. Consider the lessons they are offering. How do you want to respond?
I know, a lot to consider. Funny how there can be so many lessons in one simple story. Funny how just one young man working at a front desk in a hotel in Costa Rica sharing one simple story can have such an impact. You are no different; your stories count.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
What’s In It For Me?
Hello Everyone:
As an Organizational Consultant who helps managers motivate their employees, one of the golden rules is to answer the infamous “What’s in it for me?” question. There’s even an acronym for this - WIIFM. If you answer the question accurately, then you can set up a project or organizational goal in a way that provides the necessary motivation for your employees to produce the desired results. And while this all sounds good in theory, I was reflecting on how hard it is to stay the course and reach goals that require effort sustained over a long period of time. The bigger the goal or dream, the bigger the challenge. The more we are required to step outside our comfort zone, the least likely we will get there. Even those goals that we have generated ourselves for ourselves are hard to reach. This is because “things” get in our way. These things include such circumstances as the kids got sick, the car broke down, not enough time, not enough energy, not enough money, not enough discipline, and so on and so on. It is incredibly hard to go the distance and reach our summits. In spite of all the “reasonable” circumstances that get in your way, believe it or not, the biggest “thing” that will get in your way is you. So the question is … is “What’s in it for me?” the best question to ask in the first place?
I believe there may be a better question to pose – “What’s in it for others?” The standard question “What’s in it for me?” takes the position that if something out there will give me something in here, then it will be worth it for me to proceed. It implies that our motivation for doing something challenging or uncomfortable will be the reward we receive the end of the day. An example of this would be motivating your child to get good grades by promising them $20.00 for each A. If the number on the bill is high enough, then your child might be motivated to sustain the efforts required to get the A that he/she would not have done otherwise. And while this style of motivation might work in some circumstances, it will not work when you are climbing your own
The question “What’s in it for others?” serves several purposes. It forces you to look beyond yourself for why you created the goal or dream in the first place. It takes the position of formulating a greater purpose. It asks you to think about what is at stake? What will happen if you give up? What will be lost? It takes the focus off you and places more emphasis on how you will contribute to the world. When we’re less ego-centric and more focused on making a difference, we are better able to move forward in times of fatigue, fear, struggle, or resignation. We get out of our way. The “what’s in it for me” is too myopic in nature. The “what’s in it for others” broadens our perspective and enriches our lives.
So here’s my challenge to you. The next time you feel stopped in moving forward with reaching a goal or dream, ask yourself “What’s in it for others?” Discover just how important and powerful you are. Understand that when you take on a new challenge and win, your win is not yours alone. It belongs to us all. Who we are and what we do has ripple effects. We are that interconnected. So don’t give up, take a deep breathe, and take the next step…because we all have something at stake.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
What is Your Mt. Everest?
Hello Everyone:
I find it so interesting to talk to people who are about to take on a new challenge. Think about a time when you embarked on a new venture that required you to step out of your comfort zone. Maybe it was going back to school and getting a degree, maybe it was leaving your employer to start a business of your own, or maybe it was developing new relationships and expanding your social world. Anytime we take on something new that requires us to stretch and take risks, we experience those awful growing pains.
For example, I have worked with many people who decide for one reason for another to go back to school and get a degree. I remember working with Suzie who did not see herself as a good student. Although she did have a bachelor’s degree, she was not very committed to getting good grades and basically did the minimum requirements to graduate. Her confidence in herself as a learner was low. Now some fifteen years later, Suzie wanted to go back to school and get her Master’s. That goal might as well been as big as climbing Mt Everest. The mountain she would need to cross was that daunting to her. Even the thought of just going on-line and researching graduate programs was overwhelming. She was often paralyzed with fear. It took a lot of hand holding, reality testing, and baby steps, but in the end Suzie applied to and was accepted by a graduate school. Today, she is two classes away from graduation. While her growth was not pain free, in the end it was all worth it. Not only will Suzie earn her Master’s degree and all that follows, she has developed and internalized a new version of herself – someone who can take on the challenge of education and succeed.
Now for some of you who are comfortable in the role of graduate student, this goal would not be your
Really, the only way for anyone to get over their
So here’s my challenge for you. What is your
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
What are we so afraid of?
Hello Everyone:
I was thinking more about the topic of resistance and in particular, our resistance to our own feelings. It’s funny. Our feelings (or emotions) are rather benign in nature. They are derived from hormones and the like in our mid brain. They have no solid form such as a knife or gun. They do not have the power to kill us. And yet, so many of us find them intolerable and frightening; something to avoid at all cost. It’s as if we have associated feelings with life threatening events. Painful feelings can trigger our survival instincts, our flight or fight response just as if we were being chased by a hungry tiger. So what is this all about? What are we so afraid of?
I believe that we have lost trust in our very nature, our very design. We have lost confidence in our ability to tolerate, manage, and move through what ever emotional response we are having. Maybe some of you feel you never developed a sense of competency in this area. Maybe some of you feel you never learned or acquired the necessary coping skills when it comes to handling your own emotions. Maybe this is true; maybe not. Either way, I believe we came naturally equipped. All we need to do is to let go and feel…., the feelings work themselves out just fine without any additional anything. There really isn’t much for us to do. We just need to trust the natural process.
Somehow we’ve developed a lot of unrest in this. You may be scared that once you feel bad, you’ll never feel good again. This would be akin to getting a cold and believing that you’ll feel sick or cold-like forever. When you use this analogy, it all seems quite silly. We’ve all been ill enough times with common ailments to develop some trust in our bodies that our bodies will fight off the infection and we will feel better in a matter of time. The same goes with our feelings. We’ve all felt hurt, sadness, humiliation, loss, fear, and depression at various times in our lives. And with the exception of those unique circumstances when outside intervention is needed, we know these feelings pass. We know that the emotions come and go. We know we come out the other end. We’ve just need to regain trust in our human design.
So next time you have an emotion that you would rather avoid, remember to trust your self. Let go, feel the feeling. Know that the feeling will pass. In time, your spirits will lift. Your only job is to take care of yourself in the process. Be kind, patient and compassionate. Do things that provide you comfort and healing, just like you do when you have a cold. Your body will take care of the rest. And above all, trust.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
The Law of Resistance
Hello Everyone:
Resistance can be seen everywhere in our lives. We resist something several times a day, 365 days a year. We naturally resist change, yes even change we seek out for ourselves, and yes, even change we see as positive. We resist feeling any kind of emotional discomfort or challenge. We resist personal growth and development even in spite of the fact that we are wired to do so. Just notice how children behave right before they have some kind of growth spurt (emotional, physical, or psychological). Children will regress just prior to taking a leap in their developmental growth. They will demonstrate behaviors from an earlier stage – for example, they may become clingier, may have more tantrums, or become more withdrawn depending on their coping style and temperament type. As adults we do the same thing, it’s just disguised in adult behaviors. Resistance may show up as being more tired, more obsessive, more demanding, more irritable, less available, etc. In essence, we humans never stop our innate rhythm of resisting and releasing, regressing and growing, hanging on to what is familiar and seeking change.
I believe the common denominator to all our resistance is fear. Fear is a very powerful motivator or de-motivator if you like. Fear is also a very powerful magnet. What we fear we resist, what we resist, we retain. It’s as simple as that. We cannot move through anything until we confront and release our resistance to it. And it is those things in which we resist the most that we have the most at stake. The bigger the resistance, the bigger the cost in holding on; conversely, the bigger the resistance, the bigger the rewards that awaits us on the other end.
I’ll share an example from my own life. During my divorce I wanted to keep my house. I initially resisted the idea of selling my house and moving my daughters to a new and unfamiliar neighborhood. I was in the midst of so much change and so much loss, that I couldn’t bear the idea of one more on the list. After some time and reflection (including looking at my financial situation more closely), I decided it was time to surrender. I let go of the resistance. I chose the loss. In doing so, something new became available. Space opened up. My fear no longer ran my life. As it turned out, selling the house was the best decision I could have made. I found a great house in a great neighborhood and created a new life. I was able to move forward.
This is a simple example of how the law of resistance works. As long as you are still in resistance, no movement is possible. You are stuck and on a one way ride to everything you are avoiding to begin with. Once you embrace that which you resist, including the resistance itself, anything is possible. So here’s my challenge to you. Look at your life. What are you resisting? What are you most frightened of? What areas of your life are not working? Now here’s where you need courage. Instead of resisting, embrace those things with everything you have. Move towards them. Surrender to them. Even if it feels uncomfortable, painful, or scary, envelope yourself in them. Let go of what you know or what you think you know and dive into the unknown. Discover what is now possible. Move forward. More than likely, things will not be as bad as you think they’ll be. Why? Because once we release our resistance, our fear dissolves, our lives expand, and we feel more alive.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
What to do when you need more, less, or different?
1. Once you know what isn’t working for you, get clear on what it is that you truly want or need. Take your time with this one. Come to terms with what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to you in your situation. At the end of this reflection, you should have a clear understanding of what you want, what you will accept, and what you cannot live with.
2. Next you’ll need to decide if you want to make a request for change or seek your needs and wants elsewhere. It is up to you to decide if you want to make the effort to request change. In the end, you may conclude that this option is not desirable, or maybe you have already made repeated requests for change with unsatisfactory results; thus, this option may now be exhausted. It is in this phase that we are usually hardest on ourselves. Sometimes we believe that we try too hard or too many times to make something work. Sometimes we retreat too quickly out of fear and feel like we gave up too easily. Regardless of where you fall on this continuum, be kind to yourself. No one is perfect. No one lets go of something or someone without struggle. No one is courageous all the time. Do the best you can. Remember, if you make a choice that is not in your best interest, the universe will give you another chance at another time. Our opportunities for learning never stop.
3. If you choose to make a request for change, do so in a direct, loving, and powerful way. This topic probably warrants a blog posting all its’ own, so stay tuned. If you choose to let go and get your needs met elsewhere, do this as well in a direct, loving, and powerful way (yes I know, another big topic, another posting).
4. Lastly, be true to yourself. Live your life fully. Don’t let your fears around what if’s stop you. Get present to what is….this is where your power lives.
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
What is Your Natural Rhythm?
Hello Everyone:
I woke up yesterday feeling tired. I knew that I needed to get some rest. I also knew that I needed to retreat more into myself and be less out there in the world.
Everyone has their own rhythm, their own natural cycle so to speak. For me, I compare mine to that of a sprinter. I have strong bursts of energy and productivity. During this phase of my natural cycle, I generate results and live visibly and actively in the world. At some point, my energies will shift. It will be time for me to be more still and silent. Instead of expressing myself in a very extroverted way, I take the time to be more introverted. In this space, I re-energize and integrate all that has occurred. The time spent is either of those phases varies. Sometimes my burst will last a long time and my need to retreat is short-lived. At other times I may need more time to re-energize. This probably depends on a lot of factors, including stress level, workload, family needs, health, attitude, etc.
Most of you will be able to identify your natural rhythm with ease. You may be a sprinter, a long distance runner, or a leisurely walker. You know how your energies shift. We get into trouble when we ignore our bodies’ signals that tell us when we need to shift into a different gear. We can get stuck in one phase of our cycle. By becoming aware of when we need to shift, we can do so with more ease. We can honor our natural rhythm without frustration or judgment. We can become better caregivers to ourselves.
So here are my questions for you. What is your natural rhythm? Are you aware of when you need to take in energy, generate energy, or give out energy? Do you check in with yourself regularly to determine if you need to shift gears? How do you react when you naturally shift into another phase? See if you can become more conscious of your natural rhythm. By doing so, what becomes possible? How are you able to take better care of yourself and others?
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus
Turn Your Expectations Right Side Up…The Other Side!
Hello Everyone:
I was talking to a friend of mine who shared with me another perspective on expectations. She also has her expectations upside down. My friend however, has a default set of expectations that things will always go wrong. For her the challenge is to look for what is right, rather than what is wrong. It reminded me that each of us has our own set of filters or expectations that have been defined and refined over the years since our childhoods. While we all need to turn our expectations right side up, how and in what ways will be unique to each one of us.
Maybe I jumped ahead last week. Maybe it would have been more helpful to ask each one of you to first define your set of expectations. Are you someone who expects that people and life will let you down no matter what? Are you someone who believes that you can control your destiny? Do you unconsciously expect things to go right or things to go wrong?
For those of you that struggle with believing things can go right, I offer the same opportunity and challenge as last time. See if you can turn your expectations right side up as well. Expect success, satisfaction, and happiness as if you scheduled them for yourself. How does this impact your life? How does this change the way in which you react to life events? What new meaning or reframing is now available?
Stay with me and engage in this conversation. Your voice has an impact. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
For More Information on Julie Orlov Consulting, visit www.julieorlov.com
To add your contact information to our database, go to www.julieorlov.com/contactus