The Need to be Right
Hello Everyone:
There is nothing more deadly to the health of a relationship than the need to be right. Think about how much time you spend talking, arguing, convincing, debating, or just plain reacting in order to get another to concede that you are right. This alone causes much of the pain and suffering that exists in most relationships.
I’ll share a story to illustrate my point. Bill phoned up his girlfriend Mary and asked her if she wanted to go for a run on the beach after work. Although Mary was in the middle of finishing up a project, she agreed to meet Bill at 6 o’clock. Mary brought her work home as she was unable to complete it before meeting Bill. Her boss was a bit annoyed, but she reassured him that it would be ready to email out before the next work day began. Bill called Mary on her cell phone at 6:10pm stating he had been delayed and would not be able to make it there until 6:30 and could she wait for him. Mary became annoyed, but said okay. It was now getting windy and cold. Bill called again to let her know he was leaving soon and promised he would be there by 6:45pm. He apologized for the delay, but said it couldn’t be helped. By now, Mary was upset. She had created some tension at work by leaving early and now her night would be even longer as she still had to complete the report. She felt Bill was insensitive to her world and needs and that this was typical behavior. Bill became defensive and reactive to Mary’s complaints and criticisms. He had a true emergency come up at work and had no choice but to stay and take care of it. He felt Mary was being unreasonable and inflexible to what stressors he had to deal with on a daily basis. You can guess how the argument pursued. Both Mary and Bill worked hard at convincing each other that they were right and the other was wrong. In the end, the only thing that got accomplished is they both left the beach angry. They created distance and righteousness. They lost understanding, compassion, and love.
Think about how often your intention with another is to be right. How do these types of interactions typically go for you? What are the outcomes? What is the impact? Even if we get someone else to agree that we are right, what do we really gain? What have we really lost in the process?
We have all heard the saying it is better to choose happiness over righteousness. What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
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