What are we really afraid of?
Hello everyone:
My guess is that by now you are becoming aware of just how attach you are to who you want people to be, your beliefs, ways of doing things, ways of being, etc. In reflecting on just how attached you are to these things, you may be starting to realize how resistant you are to letting go. Once we attach ourselves, we become fixated on how not to lose those very things to which we attach. We try to control and manipulate others; we hold on so tight even when holding on is detrimental to ourselves. Why do we do this? What are we really so afraid will happen if we let go?
When you think about it, the worst thing that can happen is experiencing a loss. Now I know that grieving and suffering is not fun. I know that sometimes staying with the familiar, no matter how bad the familiar might be, feels safer that the unknown. But at what cost? In the long run, holding on to something that no longer works for you is far more painful than going through temporary feelings of loss. Only by releasing something or someone are you able to create space for something new to emerge.
I worked with a man who was miserable with his job. He no longer liked the work he was doing and felt his manager was abusive and disrespectful. When I suggested that he explore how he might make a career change, he became very resistant. Instead of taking action to research some alternatives, he kept shifting our conversations back to how bad things were at work. There were several dynamics taking place. First, his identity and sense of security had been locked into his current position. Second, his fear of the unknown was paralyzing. And third, he had another attachment playing out in his life, that of being a “victim”. These are not easy forces to counteract. Most of our work revolved around addressing these issues and resistances. In the end, my client was able to take actions to get a different position within the same company. While he was doing similar work, he was in a much better environment with an effective and approachable manager. He was still unsatisfied with the type of work he was doing, but is continuing to chip away at his fears. Letting go does not necessarily happen overnight. It can be an on-going process; there is nothing wrong with that.
So here’s my question for you. What fears do you have in letting go of your attachments? What do you think is the worst thing that could happen and can you live with that? What possibilities exist for you in having let go of something or someone? What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
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