When do our attachments get in our way?
Welcome Everyone!
I’ve been doing my own reflecting on the various attachments that I have and how they impact my life. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t care that much about what people think of me, or at least to the extent that it doesn’t stop me in life. I’m beginning to realize that I want to be seen as a person who is empathic, caring, friendly, and very likable. In fact I am all those things, just not only those things all the time.
What I realize is that my attachment to how others seeing me encumbers my ability to set appropriate limits and boundaries in certain situations with certain people. In a nutshell, I end up tolerating too much from others and wait too long before taking action and setting needed limits.
A perfect case for illustration: I hired someone (I’ll call her Mary) to help me with some administrative work in my business. Mary called me on her first day of work to inform me that she would not be able to make it as she needed to help her Mother get to her doctor’s appointment. Wanting to be flexible and understanding, I told Mary that would be fine and we rescheduled for the next day. Mary did show up the next day, but I soon learned that she was not as proficient in her computer skills as she had indicated during our interview. I found myself having to learn the skills myself and train her as opposed to her training me. Over the next few weeks, I tolerated an unnecessary and very long learning curve. In addition, Mary continued to have many family “crises” that kept her from completing the project I had hired her to do. It was now taking weeks to complete a project that should have taken days. My frustration continued to rise as my attachment to being understanding, empathic, and liked quickly waned. Eventually I told Mary that she did not have the skills I needed and was clearly unable to complete the project in a timely manner. I cut my losses and let her go. In the end, I took care of business. What I learned from this experience (and many others just like it) is that I allow my attachment to how I want others to see me (and how I want to see myself) get in the way. I needed to let Mary go a long time before I actually did so. I was too patient and understanding when I needed to be more business like and accountable to myself and the project at hand.
As you can see from my own experience, attachments come in many different forms. There are attachments to outcomes, people, perceptions, principles, etc. Each attachment comes with its own benefits and costs. It is important for you to know your attachments and how they get in your way. By doing so, you can then proceed with choice. What I mean is that you get to choose your actions freely rather than have your attachments do the choosing for you. Think about it. My initial reactions and decisions were based on my attachment to how others see me. After circumstances led me to let go of this attachment, my later decisions and actions were based on what was best for the circumstances at hand. In essence, I reclaimed my freedom of choice. I reclaimed my power.
So here’s my question for you. What attachments keep you from setting appropriate limits and boundaries with others? When does your need for approval, love, whatever, get in the way of saying thanks, but no thank you? How long does it take before you are willing to let go of something in order to do what is best for you? What are your thoughts on this subject?
We want to know because….Your life matters!
Take care and till next time,
Julie
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